Welcome To Our Garden

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Another long post

So, yesterday was my follow up appointment with Dr. K. It was both good and bad. I'll start with the bad. I was dreading having to go back in that office. Dreading seeing all those pregnant ladies. Dreading seeing all the pregnancy posters and stuff in the office. And really dreading the exam. Being stripped down and in those stirrups for such a crappy reason this time. I wanted to go in and have jelly spread on my belly and see our little flowers doing their thing. But no. I didn't see that. And it sucked! I did however see the smiling pregnant ladies and the posters and stuff. They were everywhere. I sat in the lobby with tears streaming down my face, trying to cry as quietly as I could. I chose the seat closest to the door so when they called my name I could just quickly get up and disappear into the back and not have to make my way across the room full of baby bumps. I was called back and asked to get on the dreaded scales. Oh my! Talk about tears. How depressing! I told yall I'd be ticked if I got fat for nothing. Well, I got FAT for NOTHING! So the diet started RIGHT THEN! The nurse directed me to my room and instructed me to strip from the waist down and that the doc would be in shortly. I composed myself the best I could while sitting half naked on a table with a paper sheet across my lap. I tried telling myself that I wasn't really where I was. I wasn't there to see Dr. K but rather at the dentist office. Then I remember I didn't like the dentist office either. UGG! Dr. K was very kind. I cried when she walked in but she quickly calmed me down. We talked for a long time before she did the exam. I asked alot of questions but there weren't many answers. She couldn't tell me why it happened other than there are many reasons for a M/C. I asked if there were tests to be done if we decide to try again. She said she hated to answer that question because they don't usually do tests until after the 3rd M/C. I don't want a 3rd! I didn't want the 1st or 2nd one! We both agreed that we should go back and to see Dr. O at the RE's office. I asked if she thought if we should switch donors. She said it wouldn't hurt anything and since we have that option, to go for it. Look out swimmers! We may be on the hunt again! I asked about my snots. She said yes, it could have been pregnancy related but it should have been cleared up by now. She suggested Claratin and if that didn't work to see my PCP. I also had her check out a weird lump I've had for several months under my right arm pit. You can see it easily and it hurts when touched. Of course she didn't see or feel anything and it didn't hurt when she pushed around. She said what I was hoping she would...that it was probably just a swollen gland...like what you get in your neck when you're sick. I'm ok with that. I also asked how long we should wait if we decide to try again. I didn't know if since we had a d&c this time if we should wait longer than 1 cycle. Nope. No need to wait more than the one cycle. She did the dreaded exam and said everything was fine. She signed my medical leave papers for work and I was out the door.

The good news? I'm physically ok. She saw no physical reasons to keep us from trying again. My snots should hopefully get better. The lump disappeared. And my lovely wife was waiting for me in the parking lot when I came out. (She couldn't make the appt due to work.)

M and I talked last night and we've decided not to give up. We will try again. We really want to be moms to more than just a dog. Lord, please!

We're going to switch donors. We got online and checked things out last night. We were all set to go with our second choice from the first go round but found out that there's no swimmers left for that one. So, we did a little shopping and found one we liked. Hopefully it will be available when needed. I might call and put a hold on some.

I stopped by the drug store on the way home and picked up some Claratin. Took a pill last night and I think it MIGHT actually have helped a LITTLE. We'll see.

I called Dr. O this morning and we have a consultation appt for Jan 2.

The prenates are out of the drawer and back on the counter.

So, we might just be back on the TTC road again in 2008.

23 comments:

laura said...

I am so happy you are in good health- if mostly just physically. I will continue to be your cheerleader for your ttc journey-
Laura

Keri said...

I am wishing and praying and hoping for a healthy pregnancy for you girls next year.
Glad to hear your body is catching up.

Melissa said...

I'm so glad to hear that your body is slowly getting back to normal. I hope the new set of swimmers does the trick.

NotesFrom2Moms said...

yeah to prenatals and trying again. enjoy the sunshine in this strange state of ours.

Chris said...

I'm glad to see things are looking up. I'm sending you all the positive mojo I can spare. *hugs*

K J and the kids said...

I wish they had more answers for you. Something to calm your hearts and minds.
2008 sounds like a GREAT time to have a baby :)
Good luck finding the perfect donor.

aspiring baker said...

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. I have also had two miscarriages and feel I have some idea of what you are going through.

After my second miscarriage I asked the sperm bank for statistics on donors I was considering. It turned out that the donor that had gotten me pregnant twice had a higher rate (26% -- which is still in the range of normal) than other donors (like 7%).

I am pregnant again -- after ditching Miscarriage Man -- and while it is too early to know if this will succeed (hit 12 weeks today), I have made it farther this time than any other.

Finally -- I had a pathology done after my second D&C, and it revealed a trisomy -- a genetic abnormality that the embryos (like yours, it was identical twins) could not have survived. Having that information was a tremendous relief. Your OB's office can't do that? I thought it was standard practice to evaluate tissue removed in a D&C.

Again, I wish you healing and lots of love and support around the holidays and in the new year.

Marcy "meg" said...

Oh guys... I am so glad you are going to get to trying again soon. Here's to a great 2008 for you guys!

http://veeandjay.wordpress.com/ said...

Such a sad post. I have this picture of you sitting, bereft, in the waiting room. I'm so sorry. I hope you never have to go through that again and that 2008 is the year when your happy, healthy baby is born full term and your family life start. Good luck. I think you are both so brave and a great example to us all.

j.k-c. said...

Glad you are healthy. I think that rule about not investigating m/c until after your 3rd is ridiculous! And it is 3 in a row. My sister had 2 but had a baby in between so her count started over. Thank God she had another healthy baby after. I'm glad you are trying again...I think you have so much love to share with a child. I'm cheering you on!!!

Two Mamas said...

Here's to a most fruitful and fertile 2008!

Anonymous said...

Make them do the tests! I think that rule about 3 miscarriages is so cruel. My sister had a miscarriage at 4 months, it was devastating and thank god her doctor did the tests. Found out she did have a problem (factor five leiden, a blood clotting thing) that was TOTALLY MANAGEABLE and now she has a healthy baby (2nd pregancy). To think they might have made her go through that hell 3 times is so cruel. Sending love your way.

chroniclesofconception.wordpress.com said...

Okay, NOW I have tears. Thrilled to hear you are physically healthy and that you guys aren't giving up. Switching donors is a good idea too. Awh...I am routing for you guys more than you know! Here's to healthy, happy 2008 babies for all us TTC girls out there.

tbean said...

I'm so glad to hear that you are physically okay and your body is healing the way it should. You are SO INCREDIBLY BRAVE to be trying again in the new year. I'm so awed by your resilience! I will be cheering along every step of the way.

J said...

Oh I am so happy for you guys. I am sorry that you had to sit in that waiting room by yourself. If I could have been there I would (even as strange as having a complete stranger sitting next to you in a dr's waiting room could be).
Best of luck in 2008!

Mimi said...

I am so happ that you guys are going to try again....you BOTH deserve a baby.....my prayers are with you guys....love ya....

Sara said...

I'm glad the exam went well- it sounds like your provider is very understanding and willing to take the time necessary for you. That's a wonderful thing to find!

Welcome back to TTC - lots of fingers crossed for a 2008 baby!!

Liz1971 said...

although our stories are kind of different, i know that feeling all too well--sitting in that drs office w/ all those happy pregnant women. i also know that it may be difficult for you to understand now but i truly believe everything happens for a reason. you and m are blessed to have each other and i KNOW that one day soon you two will be the moms that you long to be. i'm happy you aren't giving up... thinking of you both! xo

Merr said...

YAY, I am so happy to hear that. It is so hard to imagine trying again after a miscarriage, but eventually that's all you want to do.

PJ said...

I am thrilled to see you both are back online...with a revived determination. Know that I, too, have become a big fan of both of you and will be right beside you both on this journey to motherhood..

Keep the faith....pj

Louise in Canada said...

I'm really happy to hear that you two are trying again. You will be amazing parents- a baby deserves a loving coupel like you! This will happen for you this year. Glad to hear that Christmas #1 went well!

Ali said...

I am glad the exam went well and you are physically doing well. Sorry about the waiting room thing. You will be one of those smiling pregnant ladies again. I thnk I would change donors as well, couldn't hurt. Might help. Here's to 2008.
Hugs.

Palestar said...

give yourselves time - your body so needs to heal - my opinion is just that of course - that you wait at least 7-9 months before you even try.

You so deserve to have a sweet lovely child - changing doners sounds right. Stay safe and well...

Palestar