Today has been a crappy day. So was yesterday for that matter.
I'm just hoping that getting this out, on here, will somehow help. Kinda like therapy I guess.
I cried seeing my best friends little boy yesterday when she stopped by work to show him off. I want a child for M and I to show off.
I cried in line at the grocery as the lady ahead of my tossed diapers, baby food and formula on the belt. I want M and I to buy that stuff.
I cried this morning when a co worker called and said she would be late because her son was sick. I want M and I to stay home and take care of our child.
I cried looking at a co workers sons photo with Santa. I want M and I to have a pic of Santa and our child.
I cried looking at another co workers pics of their recent trip to disney with their gorgeous little girl. I want M and I to have pics of our child with Mickey Mouse.
I cried seeing a car seat in a vehicle in the parking lot. I want M and I to have a car seat in our car.
I cried for a person I don't know after reading of their miscarriage in a blog today.
I'm tired of everyone at work asking if I'm ok and where I've been and if I enjoyed my time off. I just want to scream to them that NO, I'm not ok. I've been home trying to deal with the fact that our babies are gone and not coming back. And NO I didn't really enjoy my time off. But I just smile and say I'm fine and that I just decided to take some time off.
I'm tired of fake smiles.
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of miscarriages.
I'm tired of loss.
Tired of them for me.
Tired of them for M.
Tired of them for everyone.