Welcome To Our Garden

Monday, December 17, 2007

It still sucks

but we're dealing. Dealing the best one can after losing 3 babies. UGH! I hate that. Losing. I'm tired of losing. And we didn't lose them, they died. But I guess saying losing a child is somehow easier to say than saying we have 3 dead babies.

It makes me want to puke.

But again I say, we are trying to deal. I know it will take time. It's just that some days are worse than others.

M & I decided rather than give back the baby stuff that was given to us that we'd hold onto it for a bit. We cleared it all out of the house a few days after my hospital visit and covered it up the garage. I just couldn't deal with seeing it in the house. Anyhow, we lugged it up into the garage attic yesterday. It's out of sight now but within reach WHEN we need it again.

It's finally cold here. No snow but cold. It's starting to feel a little like Christmas. We just got the last of our Christmas cards out in the mail today.

M & I made peanut butter fudge with her mom yesterday. YUMMO! We decided rather than have it in our house just waiting to make us fatter that we'd save a few pieces for ourselves and take the rest to our offices. Good idea huh? Fatten everyone else up? :o)

Thanks everyone for the cyber hugs. We feel them.


Marcy "meg" said...

I am still so sorry guys. More HUGS.

Sara said...

I'm a big fan of the "take it to the office and make everyone else eat it" trick. It works, every time!

Sounds like a good plan on dealing with the baby stuff - virtual hugs all season long!

vee said...

How about sharing the recipe, then you can help fatten me up too - it sounds delish!

And you are right with the WHEN, ok.

K J and the kids said...

1 step at a time.

Liz1971 said...

i'm still thinking of you guys...

i'm glad you are sharing your feelings--getting it all out there.

you are good about sharing and bringing the fudge to work--i'd be a hog and keep it all to myself. in fact, last year, my mom and i made christmas cookies and when dave asked if we made any, i lied and said no--kept them all to myself. ate every single one. how is that for hoggish???

Melissa said...

We're still send you hugs too!!

Ali said...

I too, as you have read on our blog, hate the word 'lost' when referring to our baby. It is such ingrained language that I have to stop myself every time I think it.

Anyways, glad you are keeping the baby stuff for the future and I saw the other day that P*aula D*ean puts Velveeta in her fudge. Sounds terrible, but I hear it is the bomb. I think I'll try it.

More hugs

Merr said...

It is so hard! For once I can say that I totally understand. We tried not to get any baby stuff when we got pregnant, but Sum did get a package of little diapers. They are put away for now, but when I see them it reminds me of the baby we didn't have. It really sucks!

Chris said...

*hugs* *hugs* and *more hugs*

We've kept most of the things from the last few go arounds. It's almost more painful to part with it than keep it. It lets us hold on to hope even when things totally suck.

I will do my best to send you all some snow. We've had enough for now I think.

Bobby said...

You know; I went through the last couple posts, and can understand all the emotion put forth in your words. I was thinking, being in the jobs we are in; we know many people with a lot of connections. Is adoption a possibility? Just a thought on where to go....Unsure how you all feel about that. Hope you are both comforted by homemade fudge, prayers, good thoughts, and many who are out there thinking of you both!

notesfrom2moms said...

i agree with you, it does still suck - but i bet it gets better and easier. Be kind to yourselves and eats lots of fudge.