The following is totally a downer post. Read at your own risk!
I feel like venting and yall are my lucky sounding board.
It's official. I do NOT like Thanksgiving and I will not be "celebrating" it again. (Heidi/Jenn - Get a table for 4 next year. I love a good salad bar.)
Why you ask?
I had a really shitty Thanksgiving one year as a child and I've had a hard time looking forward to it and enjoying it since then.
I spent last Thanksgiving trying to deal with the fact that our twins were gone and had been officially taken from us the day before. Makes me sick thinking of it.
I tried to be in a "holiday mood" today but that all came to a screeching halt this evening. I made a call to mom and dad before heading to M's family for dinner and was slapped in the face not once, not twice but three times.
Slap #1 - My 26 year old nephew and his girlfriend are expecting. She's being induced on Dec 10. My moms birthday. Great.
Slap #2 - My 28 year old nephew and his wife are also expecting.
Slap #3 - My mom proceeds to ask about our baby making status. I tell her I'd rather not talk about it so she then tells me to RELAX and just let it happen. I hate that freaking word! RELAX! I know she means well and God do I love her but why can't people think before they speak?
Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful that my nephews are able to have a family and I wish them nothing but happiness and a healthy child but damn it....I want a family too.
Oh, how I wish I could say "oops! I'm pregnant" or to plan and actually conceive and give birth to a live child.
Maybe one day?
I guess until then I'll wallow in my own self pity and cancel Thanksgiving for next year.
Oh! And for those of you that have asked about IVF. That's a big no. We can't afford it.
And adoption? Not gonna happen in Virginia.
Surrogacy? Again, not happening in Virginia. Even tho we've had a wonderful, sweet, thoughtful and caring friend offer her uterus for the project. You know who you are and thank you!
I guess blogging while upset is kinda like drinking and driving. Not a good idea.
But I do feel a tad bit better having gotten that off my chest.