Welcome To Our Garden

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Knock Knock!

I wish I didn't have to answer it! Danged AF!! Looks like she'll be busting down the door any minute.

Yesterday, as if you couldn't tell from the short, not so happy post, was a really crappy day. Really crappy. I sat at work and cried. I bit peoples heads off. I was a royal b-otch all day and all I wanted to do was go home and cry. And that's just what I did at 3 o'clock. I walked out to my truck, in the pouring down rain and hauled my pathetic butt home. Where I sat on the couch for a good while and cried. Like a crazy person. Today I feel better.

I just KNEW this test was going to be positive. I would have bet ANYTHING on it! And when test after test showed NO, I lost it! I did feel like a fool. Like a loser. Like it was all my fault. I still kinda feel that way but I know there's nothing I can do about it but try again or give up. I'm not ready to give up yet! We want a baby!

So with that said...we're not giving up. We're just taking a mini break. We're going to sit this next one out.

We're going to have some fun. We're going camping this weekend. We're going to NYC in less than 3 weeks. I'm going to eat hot dogs and drink Frappuccinos and not feel bad about it. I'm going to work in my flower beds. I'm not going to stress. I'm going to lose some weight and feel good about my body again. I'm going to be happy and enjoy the baby free time with my beautiful wife. Heck, I might even do a cartwheel....IF I knew how! :o)

And when the time is right...if it's meant to happen...it'll happen.

Thanks for being here for us....over and over again!

19 comments:

Mom G said...

Love and blessings.
Destiny sometimes takes the long road.
xo
Robin

Lizzie said...

I'm sorry. You are NOT a fool. I admire your decision-making with M, how you work together. Taking the next round off is a good idea. Love.

Marcy "meg" said...

Sounds like you have a great plan. Sorry it didn't work this month, but it will soon.

Baby Mama said...

Hey, sorry about this. Hopefully next time.

By the way, I can't do a cartwheel either. K likes to have me try to do them while she laughs. She calls them 'wheelless carts'. I thought I was the only one.

Michelle said...

Thanks for the words of support and right back at you. I think sometimes in life, no matter what kind of stuggle you are going through, it pays to take some time off, take a step back and regroup. I know that at least in my case that is exactly what I need. I decided I needed to get me and we needed to get we right before we went forward to add to us. So we may be going reallllly slowwwwwwly right now, but maybe "baby steps" are sometimes the best ones to take to get to the "baby" - Of course, it works different for everyone but it can't hurt to try. Let me know again the what and the when about when you guys are coming to NYC - our plans may have changed so maybe we can meet up after all.
xoxox mich & dawn

Hope said...

I wish I could do something to help you out. Please let me know if you ever need a shoulder to lean on. ((( hugs )))

Heidi said...

Stupid AF.

but yeah for other plans!! They sound wonderful and dare I say...relaxing?

tbean said...

Hugs Kim! Smart to get a month to clear your head. When you aren't ttc--that month just zips by. Enjoy a sunny next month before getting back on the crazy train.

tiff said...

Awh. Sometimes you just need that cry you know??? Sounds like you are gonna have a great time - honestly, I'm a bit jealous!!!! Have a blast and don't feel a second guilty about it!!!! It will happen....but, for RIGHT NOW, enjoy the freedom. xo

Keri said...

It's terribly easy to be here for you. You are such an inspiration!
Have a great "break"! Come over and I'll teach you how to do a cartwheel!
xo.

Stacey said...

i am sorry about this cycle... I really am. I hope you can truely enjoy your time off. We will be checking in and hoping you are both well and happy. x

Laurie said...

It will work, you'll see! Taking time off is probably a great idea.... I've heard you have a better chance of getting pregnant if your body is relaxed. How fun that you are coming to NYC! We are on Long Island, about an hour outside of the city! Have a blast!

Stacey said...

and p.s- you are by no means a fool, no one thinks that of you... we all understand how you can beleive it, I did the same thing last month, I had every symptom under the sun, and i too felt like a fool when AF decided to show... so I know how you feel, but I can tell you that on the other end of it, none of us are looking at you like you are a fool! you are great!

Ali said...

It is so hard... I'm sorry

Big hug

Carrie said...

friggin Aunt Flo! Let's kick her out of the family! :) Sorry to hear about AF coming, but think you're taking a very mature approach. It can be hard to take a month off, but sometimes it seems necessary. It's hopefully like a spa day for your soul. Drink your fraps, eat hot dogs and sushi, don't chart or pee on sticks, and just enjoy a brief break, if you can. *hugs*

Meredith said...

I totally understand the crying, especially in the ttc process. I was a waterworks mess every time we got a negative.
I really hope you enjoy your time off, too. And yes, drink all the caffeine you want! Meghan seemed to forget that not only do you have to drink less during pregnancy, but have to keep that up as long as you are nursing. That's a long time. :O

Robbie said...

Sounds like you are going to make the best of your break. We're taking a long weekend trip to the beach to have "non-pregnant" fun. Gotta find the silver lining where you can, ya know?

Melissa said...

I'm sorry about AF :( I think your month off sounds like a great idea.

Anonymous said...

You have some exciting things coming up !
Enjoy them , I am so glad you are out planting new flowers, look for that butterfly , feel the love,
hugs and kisses from Maine