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Thursday, February 7, 2008


No smiley face on the stick yet. We continue to wait.


Yesterday sucked a little bit. It was my 6 month check up at the dentist. Trips to the dentist normally suck but this one was a bit more suckier (Is suckier a word?) because I had to change my pregnancy status on the patient info sheet from yes to no. I knew I was going to have to and I had hoped that I could get it done and they would see the change before they asked but I that didn't happen. I plopped down in the chair and Ms Chipper Lady came in and started fumbling thru my papers. Before I could mark anything down or even tell her, she said something along the lines of "I see here you should be having a baby soon" or something like that. I swallowed hard and just said "Yes, I SHOULD HAVE been having a baby soon." She appologized profusely and went on to tell me she had miscarried 3 times. NOT what I really wanted to hear but anyhow.... I made the changes on my forms and noticed that the due date that I had listed was February 22. I had miscarried TWICE since I last saw them. I had lost 3 babies since I saw them last. Alot of crap had happened since I saw them last. So much crap in just 6 months.

I pray the next 6 months have LESS crap.

Remember last Friday when it rained it's a$$ off, I had half dozen panic attacks and my truck broke? Well look what I missed after the rain cleared.

A friend of mine took this pic Friday afternoon in the parking lot across from where I work (about 5 minutes from my house). Isn't it beautiful? I've since then heard other people talking about it. Apparently it was even more stunning in person. And I missed it! All because I was pi$$ed at the world. Little did I know this was waiting outside for me.

I guess it just goes to show that there's still some beauty out there even on the crappiest of days. Even when you can't see it. Even when you think EVERYTHING has gone or is going wrong.

Or atleast that's what I'm going to tell myself. ;o)

It's my new sign.

Oh, I had no cavities. :o)


Jen said...

Kim, I'm on CD13, waiting for my first insemination ever. Have been following your story for months. Since last summer. Since before your first loss. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I don't have the guts to have a blog, but I get so much out of reading them. I'm just a lurker in this community, but grateful to you nonetheless. Good luck to you and M this cycle! Praying for you, pulling for you. (No smiley for me yet, either, but expecting it tomorrow morning!)

Ali said...

Yes, I agree.. about the rainbows. It is not just something you are telling yourself. The picture is proof. We were pregnant the first time together- our due date was Feb 18th and now I am hoping we will be pregnant together again
CD15. And this time all the way to delivery of healthy babies.:-)

Congrats on the no cavities!

Hey I know you are into signs, when I had to put the word verification for this comment the three middle lettes were joy :-)

tbean said...

What a sucky dentist experience. I was just thinking the other day that your first due date is coming up. You are brave and strong and so positive, even through your losses. I hope this next time is finally it for you guys.

vee said...

I had joy in my word verification too.
I'm hoping the next 6 months in no way suck for you, even in the slightest. Enough already.

Mimi said...

I went to the denist on Monday.....It makes me sick.....thank god I didn't have to go through what you did....hang in there THIS going to be your guy's YEAR.....do you hear me!!!! (in my mother tone voice....lol)

Keri said...

Great job on the NO cavaties. & the positive outlook.
I'm hoping BIG for you girls!

Holly said...

Sorry you missed the rainbow. Maybe sometimes it does just take a little of nature's beauty to make things clearer.
Sorry about the reminder at the dentist. We had a few incidents now and again, mostly from long distance friends or those we don't see very often looking at Lois' belly months after the miscarriage and saying "why aren't you showing?" or something like that.
Good luck this cycle! Hope you get a smiley face soon.

tui said...

I like the rainbow story - probably something a lot of us should remember (although it's much harder to remember things like that on the really bad days when we probably need it the most! :)

Hope you get the smiley soon!!

Heidi said...

I love the rainbow story!!! I have a thing for rainbows and seeing them to me always feels like a good thing. I'll be watching closely for an update on the smile, and hope it brings an even bigger smile to your face after the tww!!

(I was not lucky enough to have joy in my word verification....I do have zoo though...maybe it is telling me I should go visit some animals?)

Marcy "meg" said...

The rainbow story is great. Sorry about the ordeal at the dentist :(

Jen said...

I just caught up on your last three posts. I love the rainbow story too. Here's one I'll add: Two days ago at work we ordered Chinese food for lunch. The fortune in my fortune cookie read "the treasures of the rainbow will soon be yours." I'm passing on my fortune to you since you missed your own recent rainbow and you certainly deserve its treasures.