AF is knocking...

and I've just invited her in to join us for hot dogs and diet pepsi tonight.

Look out CD1, here I come!!

GOD must be busy...

It's 17 DPI/O.

Still no AF.

Still no BFP.

I'd like to remain hopeful but I say we are out this month. It would truly be a miracle if AF continues not to show. I'm blaming her absence on the bullets.

M and I are ok with this. Of course we wanted a BFP but as we know, all too well, we don't always get what we want when we want it.

So we continue to wait. For something.

WOO WHO!!

BIG Congrats to Merr!! She was one of the lucky ones this round!

16 DPI/O *Updated*

Yes? No? Maybe? I say no.

Still no AF.

BFN this morning.

Used last silver bullet last night.

Calling the doc shortly.

**Update**

I just spoke with the nurse. I asked if I should refill the bullets & continue until AF showed. Nope. She said since I used the last one last night that AF should arrive any day.

So, it's a no this time.

Onward and Upward we go.

Dreams

You all know me and my "signs". Well, let me share some recent ones with you.

These signs have presented themselves by way of dreams. Not my dreams. But dreams of some great friends. Some great friends I haven't even met in person yet!!

First we'll start with K. 6 days ago I came to visit her at her house and I was pregnant and needed to use the bathroom ALOT! LOL

Second was also 6 days ago from L. I came to visit her at her house and she had a Valentine for me. (Ok, so maybe that wasn't baby related but she was thinking of me. LOL)

Third was yesterday from J. Mundy (our dog) was running down a mountain top and got to a spot in the snow where she started to dig. She continued to dig until she found a little purple flower. (A purple flower! Purple is my favorite color. And a Flower? Well, HELLO!)

Last but certainly not least was this morning from P. She was walking in a hospital hallway. The nurse said to her "you must put these on because you have germs"....."the babies are inside the first window on the right". She walked over to the window and there were dozens of small baby beds with babies in them. Some were in pink. Some in blue. There was one bed that looked like it was illuminated in pale blue lights with a soft while glow shining on it. She tried to read the sign on it but couldn't. The bed moved past all the other bed closer to the window so she could see. The sign said: November 13, 2008 - Baby Boy - 7lbs 3 oz. She couldn't see the baby because of the lights. As she started to walk out of the hospital. M and I came walking towards her and said "how do we get to the pond?" (Ok, I'm not so sure about the "pond" question but wow! I like that dream!)

Thank you K, L, J and P for sharing these with me!

Here's another little story. This was not a dream. A friend of mine gave birth to baby #3 on Friday, February 22, 2008. Our Flower #1s due date. This was also her due date. A bunch of my friends and I have been placing bets on delivery date and time. I chose 2-22 at 2:22. Well, Friday was 2-22 and she was induced at 2:22. (I kid you not!)

Coincidence? Probably since I feel like AF is just minutes away. :o) But one can hope. And we can always use these for luck next time if need be. :o)

15 DPI/O

Still no AF and I'm too nervous to test.

If I'm AF free in the morning then I'll do the "please be positive dance" and pee on the stick.

Until then.....keep those positive thoughts coming!

14 DPI/O

Yesterday was rough. Thanks for all your kind words.
***

I tested yesterday morning and got the ONE pink line. I couldn't deal with seeing that again, so I skipped the stick this morning. AF is due tomorrow and as of this moment, there's no sign of her. No spotting. No nothing. I always spot.

I have mentioned how crazy this is driving me, right? OMG! I'm going nutso!

Ok, I'm sure I'll jinx myself by saying this but here's how I've been feeling for the past 14 days!!

-Crampy since 1 DPI/O.
-Headaches. (but probably due to lack of caffiene. I quit my diet pepsi. I'm a Sierra Mist Free girl now..lol)
-Super bitch about 3 DPI
-Smelly pee. M even noticed that. TMI? Sorry.
-Very tired.
-Peeing more.
-A few backaches.
-Restless at night. Tossing and turning.
-Hot and cold at night.

Ok, so if we miraculously get a BFP then I'm saying these were pregnancy signs/symptoms and if AF shows her ugly self then I guess these were due to the progesterone I'm taking or just nerves. I KNOW I've had these....they aren't my imagination playing tricks on me.

So, here's hoping it's not the silver bullets talking.

And if it is? Then we just try again. But this time for a late November flower rather than the early one. :o)

Friday, February 22, 2008

Today should have been a good day.

It should have been an excellent day.

We should have a baby in our arms today.

Our precious flower should have bloomed today.

However, GOD had different plans.

His arms were empty.

His garden was withering.

Today, I find comfort in knowing who's arms are cradling our baby flower.

Today, I find comfort in knowing who's garden has the most beautiful flower.

Today, more than ever, I miss our sweet baby flower.

Today and everyday, I wish Peace, LOVE and Blessings to our sweet baby flower.

12 DPI/O

Hi. My name is Kim. I'm a POAS addict.

Is there a group for this? Where do I sign up?

Sunday/8DPI = 1 pink line.
Monday/9DPI = I had some self control and didn't test.
Tuesday/10DPI = 1 pink line.
Wednesday/11DPI = 1 pink line.
Thursday/12DPI = 1 pink line.

AF isn't due til Sunday and I haven't had any spotting yet. I still have a shot right?

I'm really freakin' driving myself crazy with this. On one hand I just know that I'm pregnant. I just know it! But on the other hand, I don't think I am. Could we really get 3 BFP's in a row? I doubt it.

Ugh!!

Here's some of the crazy stuff that keeps going thru my head.....

-The 4 tests that we've used were $Tree tests. Maybe it's a bad batch.

-Maybe they accidentally put OPKs in the box instead of pregnancy tests thus causing the single pink line.

-I've just tested too early.

-When we got our BFP's the last 2 times, they were both on 11DPI/O. 11DPI/O was yesterday and it was negative. UGG!

-BUT we inseminated a day earlier this time than the last 2.....so MAYBE I should count yesterday not as 11DPI/O but as 10DPI/O.

See? I'm going crazy!

I will test again tomorrow. I can't help it. I just have to. Only this time, I'll use the First Response stick (no more of the $Tree bad batch ones) and it'll show TWO pink lines.

Right?

Right!

I can't give up yet!! AF's not here!!

Lord help me!!

10 DPI/O & Pee Sticks

Still waiting. Waiting on that BFP.

M and I made a trip to CVS yesterday evening for our CBE "PREGNANT" sticks. We bought ONE. That's all we need right? One.

As we paid the cashier, she looked up at us and said "I hope you get the results you're wanting".

So do we!

9 DPI/O

I couldn't stand it any longer. I tested last night. Of course there was just one bright pink line staring up at me instead of the two I was hoping for. But I've NOT lost hope. Heck it was just 8DPI/O. The earliest we've gotten a positive was 11DPI/O and even then it was a super faint line. So I'll try to control myself for the next day or so and hope and pray for TWO pink lines the next time.
***

I was SUPER dooper sick yesterday morning at 230. So much that I missed work. I never miss work. I think I had food poisoning. I SO wanna say it was pregnancy related...but...well...I just don't know. I slept til 2 pm yesterday and stayed in my jammies ALL day. I'm all good today.
***

M and I went on a Big Gay Date Saturday night. Us and 6 of our friends went to dinner at Chilis (where I think I got some icky chicken) and then to see Margaret Cho. Let me just say that chick is HILARIOUS! Ian Harvie opened for her. What a cutie s/he is! I laughed so hard that my face hurt. What a great show!

5 DPI/O

Happy Valentine's Day!

Not too much to report.

I feel kinda ho hum about this try. I can't help but think maybe we inseminated too early. I mean the last 2 times it was about 26 hours after the +OPK and this time it was just 4 hours. I'm sure it could still work but I can't help but wonder. UGH!

9 more days. I'll know in 9 more days right?

The only possible symptoms I've had is that I'm super bitchy...lol....and I got some funny crampy like feelings....just like the last 2 times. We'll see.

We got the bill today for the chromosome tests. Holy moly!! $966! So far it looks like insurance is covering all but about $60!!

Can these days go by any slower?!

SO not baby related!

But look.....She saw me! Ro saw me! :o)

WWW.ROSIE.COM

2 DPI/O

Has it been 2 weeks yet? No? I was affraid you were going to say that.

2 days down. 12 to go.

I'm going this evening to the pick up my silver bullets aka progesterone. Start those tonight.

My snots are back. Actually they started Saturday. Per the doctors suggestion, I weaned myself off the super steroid spray. Everything was fine for a week or so and now...well...they're back. The doc said I could continue squirting the magic spray while TTC and even while pregnant BUT you know me....I don't wanna do ANYTHING that MIGHT cause a problem. I've even decided to give up my daily diet pepsi/caffeine. Well, I gave it up yesterday and only had half my normal amount today. If we get a BFP this time, no WHEN we get our BFP in 12 days, I'll cut it out all together. :o)

Is it just my spell check that's not working or are you all having issues with it?

Try #3

Today is CD14 and guess what we got this morning?! A smiley face on the OPK!! We did it! Our insemination was at 10 this morning but first let me back up and tell yall about yesterday.

Yesterday was CD13 and there was no smiley face to be found. I called the RE's office to see what we should do if we got smiley on Saturday (today) because we usually go in the following morning for the IUI but they are closed on Sundays and waiting til Monday would be out of the question. So I left my name & number and that I needed some info on an upcoming IUI. I was told a nurse would call me back. She did. I explained to the nurse that I was hoping to get a positive OPK in the next few days and what should I do if it happened Saturday morning. Here's the funny part. Her answer was "Well after you get the positive OPK, I suggest you and your husband have intercourse." And in the same breath she said "unless your husband has a low sperm count and in that case......." I cut her off there and said "Well since I'm a lesbian it's going to be kinda hard to have intercourse with my husband". I laughed and said "If it were only that easy". LOL She couldn't stop appologizing. LOL Obviously she didn't have my chart in front of her. We both got on the same page and she said to test as early as possible Saturday morning and if we got a positive to call the answering service and asked for the on call doc to be paged.

Ok...that's do-able.

So last night(Friday night), I tested for the second time....around 6 pm and got a negative.

This morning(Saturday) I tested at 6 am and got the smiley face we had been waiting on. I called the answering service and they paged the doc. He called back about 10 minutes later and still half asleep. His response to me telling him that I had a positive OPK was "ok, so go ahead and have intercourse with your husband.....". UGH!! Dudes! I don't have a husband! I again had to explain the whole "no husband....I'm a lesbian" story. Then he proceeds to tell me that he knows for a fact that the office is booked for today. Then I guess he realizes that it HAS to be done today...that we can't wait til Monday....and says that he will do some schedule rearranging when he gets in the office at 8 am and to expect a phone call shortly there after. I went back to bed and the phone rang at about 820 am. The doc said to come on in at 10 am. M and I got up, ate, showered and hit the road. The insemination took place around 1025 or so. No pain. No discomfort. We waited our mandatory 15 minutes with my legs crossed...until the timer went off and then we hit the road.

Let the TWW begin!!

And yes, of course, we took pics.

Here's M with the swimmers....


and all the needed baby making supplies....


Me with the good luck bag and shirt and my bro's 4 leaf clover....


Here we go for lucky try #3.......



Luck, luck, luck.....

And of course.....a sign. :o)

We passed this, it's a florist, on the way home.

That's what we want....our flower to BLOOM!!

CD12

No smiley face on the stick yet. We continue to wait.

***

Yesterday sucked a little bit. It was my 6 month check up at the dentist. Trips to the dentist normally suck but this one was a bit more suckier (Is suckier a word?) because I had to change my pregnancy status on the patient info sheet from yes to no. I knew I was going to have to and I had hoped that I could get it done and they would see the change before they asked but I that didn't happen. I plopped down in the chair and Ms Chipper Lady came in and started fumbling thru my papers. Before I could mark anything down or even tell her, she said something along the lines of "I see here you should be having a baby soon" or something like that. I swallowed hard and just said "Yes, I SHOULD HAVE been having a baby soon." She appologized profusely and went on to tell me she had miscarried 3 times. NOT what I really wanted to hear but anyhow.... I made the changes on my forms and noticed that the due date that I had listed was February 22. I had miscarried TWICE since I last saw them. I had lost 3 babies since I saw them last. Alot of crap had happened since I saw them last. So much crap in just 6 months.

I pray the next 6 months have LESS crap.
***

Remember last Friday when it rained it's a$$ off, I had half dozen panic attacks and my truck broke? Well look what I missed after the rain cleared.

A friend of mine took this pic Friday afternoon in the parking lot across from where I work (about 5 minutes from my house). Isn't it beautiful? I've since then heard other people talking about it. Apparently it was even more stunning in person. And I missed it! All because I was pi$$ed at the world. Little did I know this was waiting outside for me.

I guess it just goes to show that there's still some beauty out there even on the crappiest of days. Even when you can't see it. Even when you think EVERYTHING has gone or is going wrong.

Or atleast that's what I'm going to tell myself. ;o)

It's my new sign.

Oh, I had no cavities. :o)

CD 9

I'm pulling out the OPKs tonight and gonna start POAS tomorrow.

***

I called the truck people this morning. Spoke to the assis manager. My $600+ repair bill is now $0! ZERO!! The part they are replacing is the same thing from last April. It's got a 12 month warranty. SWEET! I should have my wheels back on Wednesday.

The 3 R's

Results - My insulin and glucose tests were "perfect" per the nurse. 2.3 for the insulin and 83, I think she said, for the glucose. I have no idea what the numbers mean. But she said they were perfect, so I'll go with that.

Rain - Oh the rain! I made the trip back up north Friday to return the swimmers tank. It rained the entire 5 hours. Horrible, I can't see anything type rain. It was bad. I missed the exit to the bank cuz I couldn't get over due to stupid people not knowing how to drive in the rain. That caused me to get lost and bring on a mini panic attack. I found a gas station and went in to ask the clerk for directions only to find the clerk was CHARLES MASON! Well, not really Charles Mason but he certainly looked just like him! He gave me great directions and I was on my way. The rain continued. Because it was raining so hard and I just wanted to get the heck home, I didn't stop on the way back home thus causing me to miss lunch and have to pee like crazy. I get about 20 miles from my home exit, still in the pouring rain, and my truck breaks!! I'm going 70 mph in the fast lane in the rain and my truck decides it wants to go 60 mph and start jumping and jerking!! This causes yet another freak out moment/panic attack. I make my way over to the emergency lane and drive just far enough to be able to park under an overpass. I call M. She comes to the rescue with flashing lights behind me. I call a wrecker. It arrives 45 minutes later. I still gotta pee and would have on the side of road but M talked me out of it. The wrecker heads off to the my dealership. M stops at McDonalds so I can go pee. It's still raining. We beat the wrecker to the dealership. I explain to the slowest man on earth that my truck is on it's way in what has happened. I also tell the slow dude that this same thing happened last March, also while it was pouring the rain. That cost me $900 due to a problem with an air flow sensor. He proceeds to tell me it will be Monday before they can check the truck. Fine. Whatever. Just fix the stupid thing.

Rediculous - The truck people called yesterday. They first ask if I drove thru any water. HA! Uh yeah I did. I drove thru a freaking monsoon and I told slow guy that 3 times yesterday. They then tell me that the air flow sensor was wet and it would cost me $600+ to fix it and it wouldn't be ready til Wednesday because they have to order the part! Now could someone PLEASE tell me who makes a truck that you can't drive in the rain!?!? Rediculous!! I told them to fix it but then called them back and said to hold off cuz I want to get a second opinion. This is crazy! Crazy I tell ya! So I'll be calling some places tomorrow to see what they have to say about my wet air flow sensor.

My word!

But on a brighter note....todays is CD8. It looks like we'll be trying to make a baby this weekend!