Bits and Pieces

**WARNING**

The following is totally a downer post. Read at your own risk!

I feel like venting and yall are my lucky sounding board.

It's official. I do NOT like Thanksgiving and I will not be "celebrating" it again. (Heidi/Jenn - Get a table for 4 next year. I love a good salad bar.)

Why you ask?

I had a really shitty Thanksgiving one year as a child and I've had a hard time looking forward to it and enjoying it since then.

I spent last Thanksgiving trying to deal with the fact that our twins were gone and had been officially taken from us the day before. Makes me sick thinking of it.

I tried to be in a "holiday mood" today but that all came to a screeching halt this evening. I made a call to mom and dad before heading to M's family for dinner and was slapped in the face not once, not twice but three times.

Slap #1 - My 26 year old nephew and his girlfriend are expecting. She's being induced on Dec 10. My moms birthday. Great.

Slap #2 - My 28 year old nephew and his wife are also expecting.

Slap #3 - My mom proceeds to ask about our baby making status. I tell her I'd rather not talk about it so she then tells me to RELAX and just let it happen. I hate that freaking word! RELAX! I know she means well and God do I love her but why can't people think before they speak?

Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful that my nephews are able to have a family and I wish them nothing but happiness and a healthy child but damn it....I want a family too.

Oh, how I wish I could say "oops! I'm pregnant" or to plan and actually conceive and give birth to a live child.

Maybe one day?

I guess until then I'll wallow in my own self pity and cancel Thanksgiving for next year.

Oh! And for those of you that have asked about IVF. That's a big no. We can't afford it.

And adoption? Not gonna happen in Virginia.

Surrogacy? Again, not happening in Virginia. Even tho we've had a wonderful, sweet, thoughtful and caring friend offer her uterus for the project. You know who you are and thank you!

I guess blogging while upset is kinda like drinking and driving. Not a good idea.

But I do feel a tad bit better having gotten that off my chest.

1 year ago today

was one of the 2 most horrible days of my life.

They, whoever they are, say time heals all wounds but I beg to differ.

I hurt just as much today as I did this time last year.

Our sweet twin flowers have been gone 1 year.

Some days it feels like a million years ago and others as if it were just yesterday.

They may be gone but definitely never forgotten.

Hypothetically speaking....

IF one were to consider switching from Fairfax Cryo to California Cyro would anyone have any info?

Good or bad?

Hypothetically of course. ;o)

The results are in and...

We have a new President.

Virginia is a blue state for the first time in like 50 years.

We're not pregnant.

We never will be.

We're not trying anymore.

Apparently the man upstairs has different plans for us.

We'll let you know what they are when we know.

Thank you all for being so supportive.

We wish you all healthy babies and happy families.